God has power over my storms
So many days I still struggle deeply with my grief and my infertility. Let’s face it, I miss Talon and I miss Emma Grace, and I desire the baby we lost in miscarriage. I want them back, I want more children, I want to hear giggles and lots of them, I want to have baby snuggles, all day, I want to be sad right now that their 7th grade year is ending and facing the fact that they would be entering the 8th grade. I want all of those sufferings, but that is not my story.
It’s a battle of what my heart feels and what my head knows, something I will internally battle until I’m in Heaven, until I see the entire story.
But finally, only by the Grace of God, I’m in a place with my grief where I can stand on the beach and watch the ocean move. I can see the way the storm moves my ocean. As I stand on the sand, watching the water move, I’m able to feel the sun, I’m able to feel the warmth of the sun sting my skin, I can feel the wind fill me. I’m able to feel The Holy Spirit alive within me.
Finally after many years of desperation crying out to the Lord in agony of the pain that my heart was enduring, I don’t feel like I’m in the boat all by myself. I feel that God has allowed me to get out of that boat, where I was alone, with His hand stretched out to me, guiding me to get out of the boat to walk on water. Figuratively, but never the less He has allowed this to happen so that I could feel His grace and His power. It was what I needed at that moment in my life, in my grief to rise above my raging water.
I came across this, unsure of where I found it, but it inspired me to write today. The first line drew me in, as some of you may know it’s my signature on my personal email for quite some time.
“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world ablaze.”
Mother Teresa wasn't born in a white and blue habit.
Joan wasn't born with her sword and shield.
Catherine wasn't born with stigmata.
Faustina wasn't born a mystic.
Saints are born, just like you and I.
They learn how to crawl, and walk, and run, like you and I.
Bernadette saw Mary appear at 14.
Therese entered the convent at 15.
Kateri converted at 19.
Gianna became a Doctor at 29.
Elizabeth was a princess born into royalty.
Joan was born into a family in the peasant class.
Zelie had nine children.
Mary had one.
Rose took a vow of chastity.
Monica spent a lifetime praying for the conversion of her husband.
Maria was married to her blessed husband for 45 years.
Gianna was a working mother.
Hildegard composed music and wrote plays.
Edith was a philosopher.
Dorothy was an activist.
Joan was a warrior.
Their paths, our paths, look SO different and *that* is exactly how together, we will set the world ablaze.
Most of these incredible Saints, suffered in some shape or another. They lived through dark times, death, doubt, sadness, sacrifice, war, tears, were young, were old, etc. You are starting to get what I mean. These great Saints took their Cross, they loved their Cross, and then they used their Cross to glorify God.
It was in that suffering that greatness came. It’s in our suffering greatness will come. If you haven’t experienced greatness yet, through your suffering, keep giving it to the Lord, because He wastes nothing. It may take years before you see that greatness. But holding on to that one glimmer of hope and knowing one day it will come, will help you to make it through all of the times when the boat is rocking in the waves, being engulfed by the sea, and amongst the fear and the anxiety Jesus comes with His hands stretched out and He calms the waters. It’s in this moment when you will look to the Lord in awe like the disciples did when they said “Who then is this who even wind and sea obey?” Mark 35:41 He has power over your ocean. It’s in prayer, faith, trust, surrender, in totality with Our Father where we start to see the power of inviting Him into our Storms. Into our Sufferings.
That is when we are on the beach with our feet planted in the sand, the breeze in our hair, the sun stinging our skin, we will stand with our hands stretched out in gratitude for the storms that arise on our ocean glorifying God into the arms of Grace.