Your Catholicism Thermometer
I want to share something with you all. Someone told me this week that they were nervous about coming to an RBM support group meeting because she "didn't feel Catholic enough."
Well, sisters, let me share something with you: NONE of us will ever be "Catholic enough." Why? Because we're all IMPERFECT - broken, flawed, messed up, screwed up, short-sighted, impatient, hard-headed,... I could go on and on. Even Jesus lost his temper (over-turning moneychanger's tables in the temple), was perturbed (by his followers), wept at the loss of the ones he cared about most (Lazarus). He knew what it was like to get angry, fall (LITERALLY!), and be frustrated because of his humanity. Personally, and this is STRICTLY MY OPINION, if you're using "perfection" as your benchmark, then I believe that only the Father and the Spirit and Moma Mary herself would be considered "Catholic enough" If we aim for THAT level of "Catholic" we're usually gonna fall short. Let me explain what spurred this train of thought.
Today's FB "memories" included pics of my girl Ella from our first (and only) vacation with our whole family. While I look at them, I feel grateful to have had that sweet, precious time with her. At the same time, I feel gut-punched. I should be grateful for the time we DID have with her, and I am, but at the same time, though, I resent all the time and experiences we'll never have with Ella. At first, I thought, "Why can't I be grateful for what I DID have instead of lamenting what (I knew in all likelihood) I would probably never have had to begin with?! We knew her life would be shorter than anyone wanted. She was born with a terminal diagnosis. She came home with a hospice care plan. Her whole life was "borrowed time." So why should it upset me so much to think of the "would've been’s" and "never could be’s"?!
Then I remembered something. When Lazarus died...Jesus wept. Think about that. Yes, he was sad his friend was dead, but being both human and Divine, he knew that Lazarus's death was not permanent. He knew that he would be able to bring Lazarus back from the dead with a simple command, "Lazarus, come out," and he would come out. So... Why was Jesus crying?
Because he missed his friend. Because he was sad about his friend's sisters, Mary & Martha. Does that mean Jesus was a bad Catholic because he didn't trust the Father or believe in the resurrection? NO. IT MEANS HE WAS FULLY HUMAN and fully divine. To be fully human is to have feelings & emotions, and in & of themselves, these are NOT bad, evil, wrong, or un-Catholic. They are what you feel. Nothing more. When we feel things like sadness at the thought of what we missed out on or on what was never meant to be; when we feel lonesome for those we've lost, especially our babies (because it doesn't matter HOW old they were when they died, they're STILL our "babies") or any person who was dear to us; WE'RE NOT BAD CATHOLICS. What we are... is just human.
I'm missing my babies more than usual these days. My heart feels heavy. My arms ache to hold my little "bird-girl" She would've just turned five this past summer. I wish I were ABLE to say that she's excited to be started kindergarten in the fall (whatever that would've looked like this year, thanks, Corona ), but that wasn't ever a likely thing to happen for her. I'm resentful and more than a little angry that I have to miss out on that experience with her. I'm heartbroken that I've had to miss that experience and a thousand others with my other 5 children who died. Does this mean that I'm not Catholic enough? I sure hope not; honestly, I can't be sure. BUT what I know is that it makes me fully human-like Jesus, in at least His humanity. And if I'm at least a little bit like My Jesus, then there is hope for me.
So please, don't let your perceived "lack" of Catholicism, catechism, or even belief in anything prevent you from joining us in our support groups. Jesus wanted to minister to those who needed it most, and so do we. He did not come to call the righteous but to heal sinners. We want to minister to those of you who need someone to walk this narrow, uphill, rocky road WITH you. We can't make the road smoother for you, but we can tell you where the potholes are and what to do when you get stuck in the mud.