Broken Bonds
A Resource for Parents Supporting Living Children Through the Loss of a Sibling
Sibling loss is the loss of a lifetime.
Losing a child is an indescribable pain. In addition to carrying that extraordinary cross, you may also have the immense challenge of helping your living children cope with the loss of their sibling. As Catholic parents, our faith offers a source of strength and guidance during this difficult time. We pray this guide helps you navigate the journey of grief while nurturing the faith and emotional well-being of your living children.
According to the National Alliance for Grieving Children, approximately 6 million children in the United States will experience the death of a sibling before they are 18 years old.
The path of a grieving sibling is often not well understood and not well-researched. Grieving siblings often face a sense of isolation and feel that no one knows what they are going through, especially if the deceased sibling is the one to whom they would turn when things are hard in their family. Parents and other adults may make assumptions about their grief based on their age that may or may not be accurate. The parents to whom a child would traditionally lean on for support are also grieving an intense loss and may not be as emotionally available as the grieving sibling might need.
In your darkest moments, may you find solace in the love of God and the support of your Catholic community. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and with faith, love, and perseverance, you and your family can find healing and hope amidst the pain of loss.
Common Reactions for Grieving Siblings
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Anger
I didn’t get enough time with you. There is something I should or should not have done for you.
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Guilt
Why did I do what I did? Why didn’t I do the thing I should have? Why do I get to be alive and they don’t?
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Sadness
I have an unrelenting ache that never goes away. I will miss you for the rest of my life. We didn’t have enough time.
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Loneliness
I lost the bond and companionship and understanding that comes from someone sharing the same family and journey with you.
It is important to understand the depth of the bond that can exist between siblings. The death of a sibling is a broken circle. It represents the loss of a lifelong friend, or the potential for one. A sibling is an advocate that understands and shares your history and your childhood like no one else. He or she shares 50% of your genetic makeup and represents a unique relationship among all others. You share strong emotional ties, your home, the same last name, secrets, playtime, memories, fights, and friendship. The death of a sibling is a broken bond that you will carry forever.
Siblings play a crucial role in each other’s identity development. Their death can have a profound effect on how the surviving sibling feels about themselves, who they are, who they are going to become, and how they live in the world. Many people feel they lose a part of themselves when a sibling dies.
For older siblings, some of the earlier connection may be gone and there can be regrets that you weren’t closer. Maybe there was much left unsaid. Whether siblings were still close or not, there is a sentimentality that emerges with loss that brings them back to childhood. They aren’t just thinking about the recent death but all the way back to one’s earliest experiences with that sibling and grieving the life and connections they had with that sibling.
It is true that nothing will ever be the same again.
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Understanding Grief In Children
Click below for resources to help you navigate the grieving process for younger children and teens.
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Navigating Faith Amidst Loss
How to talk to your child about God, heaven, death, funerals, and more.
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Creating an Enduring Connection
How can you help your living children maintain a connection with their sibling who has died?
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Parenting in Loss
Balancing care for yourself & your grief while supporting your grieving children.
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Adult Sibling Loss
The loss of an adult sibling is the loss of a life-long friend. Click below for support specific to this loss.
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Additional Resources
Click below for our Book List for grieving children and additional resources to help children of all ages process the death of a sibling and begin to grieve and heal.