A Heart to Be Held
A heartfelt guide for family and friends to compassionately support their grieving loved ones during this challenging time
Grief is not something to fix—it is a heart to be held. When someone you love is walking through deep sorrow, it can be hard to know what to do or say. A Heart to Be Held is a compassionate guide created to help you walk alongside grieving families with tenderness, faith, and presence. Rooted in Catholic wisdom and human understanding, this resource offers practical tools, spiritual encouragement, and gentle reminders that your presence matters more than perfect words. Whether you're comforting a friend after child loss, walking with a grieving parent, or simply wondering how to help—this guide will help you hold space for their pain and love them through it.
Understanding Grief
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GRIEF IS NOT LINEAR
It doesn’t follow tidy stages or timetables. It can resurface months or years later.
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EVERY LOSS IS UNIQUE
Honor the particular person they lost and the specific relationship they had.
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GRIEF IS PHYSICAL
Expect exhaustion, forgetfulness, insomnia, anxiety, and even pain.
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GRIEF IS SPIRITUAL
They may feel far from God, angry, numb, or deeply seeking.
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GRIEF IS ISOLATING
Many grievers feel invisible or misunderstood, even by well-meaning people.
Immediate Support
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Just Show Up
Your presence matters more than perfect words. Be near.
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Bring food, but make it easy.
Think: meals that freeze well or snacks for late nights.
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Help with logistics.
Offer to make calls, run errands, clean the house, or care for the children.
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Attend the funeral-- even if it's hard.
It’s an act of love and solidarity.
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Say their name.
It brings comfort and connection, and reminds them that you miss them too.
An Authentically Catholic 12-Week Program on Grief and Suicide Loss
Grief after suicide loss is complex, isolating, and profoundly painful. The Remember program offers a compassionate path forward—providing faith-centered support, healing, and community for those carrying the weight of loss.
Through guided reflections, heartfelt discussions, and the strength of shared faith, this 12-week program helps participants navigate their sorrow while embracing hope.
You are not alone. Healing is possible. Let Remember be your companion on this journey.
Join a Small Group
Become a Facilitator
Supportive Videos on Suicide Grief and Healing
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Finding God’s Healing After a Suicide Loss
Focus on the Family
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God's Mercy After a Loss (Suicide and other Tragedies)
Father Chris Alar
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If a Person Commits Suicide, Is He Automatically Lost?
Catholic Answers
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What do Catholics believe about suicide?
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Walking through Catastrophic Grief
Kay Warren
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Suicide & Grief Q&A | Facebook Live
Kay Warren
If you're looking for something in particular, I understand it can be challenging. Please feel free to search here.
Printable Downloadable Resources
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A Letter to Our Family
We desire more than anything for our family and friends to understand what we are going through, but often we don’t have the words to share this pain. Here is a letter we can share with them.
Books
“After Suicide: There’s Hope for Them and For You”
by Father Chris Alar, MIC and Jason Lewis, MIC
“The Afterlife: Purgatory and Heaven Explained”
by Father Dolindo Ruotolo
“Finding Freedom in Christ: Healing Life’s Hurts”
by Dr. Matthew Breuninger
“Life and Doctrine of St. Catherine of Genoa”
(Treatise on Purgatory is a section of this work) Found online here.
“Litanies of the Heart”
by Dr. Gerry K. Crete
Articles
by Father Chris Alar, MIC
by Susan M. Ershen
by Father Terence P. Curley
by Ronald Rolheiser, OMI
Catholic Programs
by Dr. Matthew Breuninger and Isaac Wicker
Red Bird Ministries 0ffers a wealth of resources for those seeking reading materials, audio content or community support.
Join our community support app—a central hub where families can unite, share strength, and support each other through the challenging journey of loss
Red Bird Ministries “Remember” Program is a 12-week program designed for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide. Developed by Sr. Kathryn Maney, M.S. & Dr. Matthew Breuninger, is an authentically Catholic program.
Seek Support
Here are a few resources. Please check with your local parish or diocese, or explore faith-based counseling services.
Catholic Therapists
Engaging in Catholic spiritual direction provides numerous benefits, fostering personal growth in faith and a closer relationship with God.
Spiritual Direction
Divine Mercy University (search by state)
“Jesus wept.”
— John 11:35