Episode 58: Empty Arms (The Cross of Infertility & Miscarriage)
“Though my flesh and my heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26
Summary:
In this episode of It's Not For Nothing, Elizabeth Leon is joined by Anna Gowasack and Alondra Griffith for an honest conversation about infertility, miscarriage, and the layered grief that can come with both. They talk about the emotional toll, the pressure to stay hopeful, the temptation to isolate, and the spiritual struggle of surrendering fertility and family size to God. The guests discuss how infertility can feel invisible, why the church’s teaching on reproductive technology can be a mercy, and how prayer, marriage, and sacramental life can sustain couples through years of uncertainty and loss.
Key topics:
In this episode: Elizabeth introduces the theme of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance month and frames infertility plus miscarriage as a particularly hidden kind of grief.
Anna Gowasack shares how her journey included a nine week loss, later testing, and the revelation of both male and female factor infertility.
Alondra Griffith shares how three and a half years of trying, Catholic fertility care, PCOS, endometriosis, and treatment led to two pregnancies and two losses.
The guests describe the emotional whiplash of hope and fear, including the sense that every new attempt can feel like another possible loss.
They talk about how infertility can feel socially isolating, especially when others offer easy optimism or assume the next pregnancy will happen quickly.
Elizabeth names the deeper grief of not only the children lost, but also the children that may never be, and the life imagined before suffering entered the story.
Anna and Alondra reflect on marriage as a place of truth and stability, especially when each had moments of believing they were somehow the problem.
The conversation turns to body shame and self blame, with both guests describing how easy it is to interpret medical diagnoses as personal failure.
Elizabeth explains the Catholic moral distinction between licit fertility care and technologies that separate procreation from the marital act.
Anna and Alondra describe why that boundary has been a gift, even when it is painful, because it keeps the focus on dignity, truth, and the highest good being the Lord rather than a baby at any cost.
The final section centers on wrestling with God, where lament, honesty, and even anger are presented as part of real prayer rather than failures of faith.
Discussion Questions:
The guests describe how infertility and miscarriage bring several kinds of grief at one. What stood out to you about the different losses they named, including the loss of the life they had imagined?
How have you experienced isolation? What kinds of support helped you feel accompanied in your grief? What has made you feel more alone?
How have you made space for doubt, lament, or faith in your journey?
